Episode 60: Why Mindset Matters! (With Chris Dwyer)

Episode 64 October 17, 2022 00:40:53
Episode 60: Why Mindset Matters! (With Chris Dwyer)
The Quit Getting Screwed Construction Podcast
Episode 60: Why Mindset Matters! (With Chris Dwyer)

Oct 17 2022 | 00:40:53

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Show Notes

How often do you take a moment to stop and be mindful? How often do you reflect on your mindset at work, at home, and even just when you're alone with yourself? Did you know that your mindset can make an incredible difference in the quality of life you lead, and allow you to be a better leader, busoness owner, and pillar of support in all areas of your life? The mindset guru himself, Chris Dwyer, joins Karalynn to dive into the many ways adjusting and reframing your mindset can elevate your ability to run a business, especially in such a fast-paced, high-stress industry. You have the power to change your circumstances, and it all starts with how you think about it. Listen in and learn how to master your mindset and see the results you're looking for with The Contractor Fight's own "Yoda", and leave us a like if you learn something new!


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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 00:00:11 This is Carolyn ing. Welcome to the Quick Getting Screwed podcast, where we talk about everything related to contractors, the construction and information to help you run better businesses. Speaker 1 00:00:24 Hey guys, this is Carolyn Chings. Welcome back to the Quick Getting Screwed podcast, where we talk about all the ways not to get screwed in the construction industry. And today I have a topic that applies to you, whether you're in a construction or not. It just purely a human topic, uh, all about mindset. And today I have with me Christopher, Christopher Dwyer, uh, also known AKA as the Yoda. Uh, he is a co-coach with me in the contractor fight group. Um, and is just a hugely important topic that I think we really need to spend some spend some time covering. So before we dive in, Chris, tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got to be a mindset expert, aka Yoda. Speaker 2 00:01:02 Sure. Yes. Well, thanks for having me here. It's really a pleasure. I love the title of your podcast. I hope we'll get into that a little bit later because I think it bears on mindset. I got into the mindset world. Uh, I think I had proclivities to be in it from a very early age. And although I worked primarily for 20 years in nonprofit fundraising and organizational management, um, I did pick up some mindset skills from that working with people. Um, really my draw, what brought me into the mindset world, I think is just this abiding interest in how human beings work, how we think, and how that shapes our world. And so I have a, a background in somatic psychology. I'm very interested in the, uh, intersection between the body and the mind. And, uh, I think ultimately, uh, mindset is, um, dare I say, a spiritual issue. So I'm a, I'm a yoga practitioner and I'm interested in all kinds of metaphysical issues and just what we're, what we're here doing in this world and why we're doing it. So that's what drew me to the field and, and, uh, I love to live in the space where these ideas, these principles, and the practical business world meet. So I'm very mindset is a way in which we can apply those principles to our day to day experience and, uh, and have a better life experience and a better business for it. Speaker 1 00:02:33 That was kind of my next question. I know you deal with a lot of construction companies and just individuals in general. Why do you think mindset is so important? Like in the business space, in the construction space, or any business? Speaker 2 00:02:43 Yeah. Well, to put it in the terms of your podcast, um, how to not get screwed, it turns out <laugh> most of the time when we get screwed, we've screwed ourselves first in some way by mis mis apprehending a situation or misapplying our thought to a situation. So we attract the wrong people into our lives or the wrong, the wrong situation. Or we set it up with our minds first in a way that's actually not for our, um, not for our highest and best good. So, um, a lot of what I'm working with and mindset is the traps that we create for ourselves to in effect screw ourselves so that it's easy for others to screw us <laugh>. So, um, so the way this applies to business is that really, you know, business is just an outgrowth of how you think or more accurately who you actually are. Speaker 2 00:03:47 And so a well run business in my definition is one where the being who's responsible for the business, who created it, and who's responsible for its management, its operations day to day is coming from a very, um, um, a place of great self knowledge, great self understanding, and has desires for the business for it to be something, um, something, uh, that's more than just about a livelihood. It's actually a place to play. It's actually a place to experience yourself in, in a way that's really powerful and that transforms, um, your own experience and helps with the lives of others. So if you look at how many construction people, uh, and just people, business people in general look at their business, you will come to see just a few, few questions actually. They often see their businesses an obligation, <laugh>, it's something that they're doing to, you know, keep the lights on, to keep the family fed. Speaker 2 00:04:50 And that's all well and good. I don't have any objection to that of course. But I think if you really want a business that shines or really want a business that pleases you, that's fun to work in, fun for others to work in and is very successful financially, um, then mindset is the place to start. Because when you invest in yourself, understand yourself, and show up fully to your business, these, um, these outcomes, these success outcomes, the, um, the experience of running it being positive is much more likely to occur because it is an emanation or an outgrowth of Speaker 1 00:05:32 You. So, so construction, somebody running construction company comes to you. What is like the most common thing that they need a mindset change from? Like give mean, gimme an example of, of something I of that when they come to you, they're like mm-hmm. Speaker 2 00:05:47 <affirmative>, Most people, Yeah. Most people, well, they'll, they'll start Carolyn, they'll usually, when they come to me, they'll say something like, My business isn't successful, or I'm, I'm having difficulty getting up in the morning. Or I, you know, I have the, a problem with this employee. These are what I call the kind of presenting conditions, right? This is what they say the problem is. And oftentimes it is genuinely a problem, but usually there's something more fundamental going on that's causing that problem to occur. So, uh, let's just take the example of, uh, my business is not, uh, successful financially. I'm struggling. I'm not sure how I'm gonna meet payroll this month. Um, or maybe I'm meeting payroll, but, um, my, my gross profit is under 50% and I'm just not sure how to, how to get outta this, this, uh, steady state that I seem to be in where I'd never get ahead. Speaker 2 00:06:45 Well, usually that when I encounter that, uh, the place I go to with clients is that they probably have a belief that is limiting their potential to make money. They have some belief that's perhaps specifically about self worth or about finance, about money. And so what I do with clients, normally when this kind of conversation comes up is we start to dig, start to dig into what that belief might be and where did it originate, Uh, because, uh, the way the mind works is that we, uh, we developed these thought patterns, these ideas, these beliefs from very early age based on our experience in childhood. Um, the brain during the period from say six months in utero through age 11, 12, 13, somewhere around there, depending on the child, um, is in this, is learns primarily through this data brainwave state, which is the patterning part of your mind, right? Speaker 2 00:07:52 This is the part of your mind that learns through repetition. It doesn't consciously process a lot of stuff. So I'll give you an example. Um, let's say you, Carolyn were, um, you know, nine years old and you saw your parents having an interaction around money <laugh>, well, you wouldn't necessarily psychoanalyze them right? As a nine year old, try and figure out what they were saying, but you could hear the tone of what they were saying. You could hear the way your dad was talking about and what your mom was talking about. You could feel if there was some tension, and you might have just concluded with your patterning brain that money is a trouble topic. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> money causes trouble between people that you love. And so your young brain takes that idea and runs with it, right? It says, Ooh, money might be not so good. Money causes problems. I should stay away from money. And what you end up with over time is the mind keeps, you keep running into experiences with money that tend to confirm that initial bias that was created from that interaction. And so you end up as a 30 year old or a 40 year old with a business and not being able to figure out why you seem to be pushing money Speaker 1 00:09:04 Away. I mean, that's amazing. That's amazing insight just to, to figure out that this Speaker 2 00:09:08 Is how we roll. Speaker 1 00:09:09 That you have that belief, so you, we, you find that, so then that, but you've take, if you, if what you're saying is true is like, when I'm nine and I witness this and I've through from I'm the time I'm nine till I'm 40, I'm finding all these situations that back up. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Money's bad. And the situations that cause money are bad then, then all of those years, how do you, how do you undo that? I mean, where do you even start? Yeah, Speaker 2 00:09:34 Yeah. Well, it starts with awareness. So a lot of what I, what I do on mindset coaching is not very typical for mindset coaches as I understand it. It's contemplative based. And to break down that tongue twisting big word, basically it's based in your, um, awareness practice, self-awareness. So, um, one of the things that I help people to do is if they have a prayer practice, I help them tune up their prayer practice. If they're meditators or aspire to be, I help them learn to meditate. But all those are just techniques really getting at this idea of popping awake in the moment, increasing your presence as a person. And when you become present to, to, um, how you're actually showing up, you can start to observe your mind and the things that it does, and the way that it holds you hostage and runs off, um, with you and you and you end up in a reaction mode all the time. Speaker 2 00:10:27 So that, that awareness piece is key. That's almost always where to start. Cuz if you just start, um, with the big mess that is your thoughts and don't understand where they're coming from, where the origin point is, then you can, it's kind of like attacking a weed at the edges of the weed and not actually pulling the root. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Right? So, so to answer your question, your initial question, where most people come to me is when they, they're presenting condition is, is head trash. They're seeing something in their experience that they're frustrated with, They can understand where it comes from and why they keep recreating it if they own creating it at all. And in order for them to, to um, stop the, the phenomenon from showing up in their experience over and over again, we have to get them back to being aware that they're actually creating their own reality to begin with, with their thoughts. Speaker 1 00:11:23 That, that's, that's hard cuz everybody, it's, they screwed me. They did the wrong thing. You know how very much like you said, quick getting screwed, they're screwing me. How do you help somebody get to the mindset that no, I'm the one who's actually doing it. <laugh>. Speaker 2 00:11:39 Yeah. That, that's a great question. So maybe we could take an example from your world legally, because mindset applies to everything. Um, you probably have have clients who come in and say that exact thing to you, and how do I fight this off? And you teach them techniques and you help them with the, the legal side of it. Um, but in some ways the horse already left the barn cuz now they're in defense mode. Absolutely. Right. They're dealing with a suit or something. Um, but what I would say, uh, to a client like that is I would say, Okay, well tell me a little bit about the background of the situation. How did we get here? And usually that's the entry point into, um, understanding how the person talks about their problem and whether or not they take any responsibility for getting here. And if they don't take any responsibility, if it's all about the client, the client did this to me, they're suing me, whatever, um, then I ask more pointed questions about the setup. Speaker 2 00:12:36 Like how is their business set up? How do they protect themselves from the beginning? Did they have the right legal documents in place? How did they talk to the client? What did they promise was that in an agreement? And we start to work backwards to them how they set this all up. And usually in the process of working backwards to them, we start to uncover, ooh, well it would've been better if you had had this in place in the first place. Um, you could have protected yourself better now. And then, then we get into the, well, why was it in place? Well, you know, I was too busy trying to run around and get all this other bus, these other business issues solve and I have, you know, I have a busy life, Chris and blah, blah, blah, <laugh>. And then we keep going, Okay, well, okay, why did you create such a busy life? Speaker 1 00:13:22 I gotta pay the bills, right? Speaker 2 00:13:25 Yeah. I gotta pay the bills. Okay. So we keep digging and digging until we get to, oh, you know, after, usually after the weight of several questions and a little more digging, people will come to a place of, So you're saying that I'm responsible for this? And I would say, yes, you're not to blame. No one's really to blame, Okay? But you are able to respond and you're most able to respond to any problem that's arising in your business, um, if you're actually available to the problem. And that means taking ownership of it at some level. It's true. You can't control someone else's behavior. It's not what this is about. This is about understanding how you view the world and beginning to get a handle on your own behavior. Speaker 1 00:14:16 Gotcha. Cause I, Well, cause you're just responding in reaction to what they're doing. You have to, and control, Control how you respond to what you think. And a lot of, like a lot of the contractors that come to my office, like they're being sued or got a demand letter, they're like, I knew I shouldn't have done this job. There was signs in the beginning and they go through and they do it anyways. And I get them in. Like, I had one client, I'm like, Hey, your contract says you can walk this job, you can walk this job. And they're, and then he threatens to and they're like, No, please come back. And so he does. And of course then at the end he ends up, you know, getting a nasty letter <laugh>. Speaker 2 00:14:52 Yeah. Right. And so what happened is that that contractor, um, ignored his intuition. Speaker 1 00:14:59 How important is that? Speaker 2 00:15:00 He set himself up legally. He set himself up, alright. Yeah. Right. He could walk, but, but he, he didn't train himself in the art of listening to yourself. He didn't have the self awareness to say, physically, my gut is troubling me right now about this job in my world. Carolyn, that's, your body contains tremendous wisdom. Right? It is telling you constantly what's going on and it's a lot smarter than your head, Right. Than your brain. Yeah. The, the body doesn't trick itself like we do with our brains, right? When, when the body says, I have a pain in my stomach, cuz I'm thinking about this job, it's telling you you're nervous. Something, something is making you nervous. It's an invitation to go deeper into, Okay, why am I nervous? Am I nervous cuz I haven't done this type of job before? Am I nervous because this type of client is giving me bad vibe? If you can latch onto that, you can start to get handles into that. You can make decisions from a completely different place earlier, smarter. Yeah. You see, and we all have already what we need. We all have a physical body. We wouldn't be having this conversation. Right. We all, we all have. It has its innate, innate wisdom. What we don't have necessarily, because our culture doesn't train us for this, um, is the ability to listen deeply to ourselves. Most Speaker 1 00:16:22 People just ignore their bodies. Like all of the signals until like we're at heart attack or something major is going on. I mean, I, I'm, I'm not guilty of it too. Like, why are, why are you doing this body? What is it? I mean, how do you, how do you get more in tune with that and then trust yourself to when I have that intuition to just be okay with it. I'm not gonna take this back. Speaker 2 00:16:44 Well it's, it's, it's absolutely right. And it's shocking to me actually in the construction industry in particular, because the people that we work with, those of you listening, you're embodied people. You work with your hands a lot, your artisans crafts people usually before you were ever business people. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Right. So, um, what, why, what is the disconnect between being so embodied, working with your hands, having these, what psychologists, um, would call kinesthetic abilities? Um, where is the disconnect between that and not not listening to your body, um, both in terms of business decisions, um, employment decisions, but also, um, in terms of how you treat yourselves. There are a lot of contractors who can't see their toes, you know, uh, beyond the big belly. And, um, if you and the people in the industry have this tremendous, tremendous heart, I mean, I say all this with, with actually a great deal of compassion and, and love for, for people in the space. Um, they, they in their heart of hearts wanna make things better for themselves and their families. They want to create beautiful environments. They wanna build stuff, um, that looks awesome, that pleases people so huge heart. Um, and yet they will Marty themselves over and over again in the name of their family, in the name of the client. Um, they will, they'll override their own self care or their own good judgment because they don't wanna offend people or they don't wanna turn down a job or something. Yeah. Speaker 1 00:18:18 And so how do you coach people to get, That's a huge one that I see, especially when charging what you're worth. You know, even on the commercial side, taking the time to read the subcontract and not signing it. If you don't wanna take that risk, I mean, that's all not, not doing those things comes from a devalued self that you're not worth the time or you're not worth the effort. I mean, I think that's from everybody I talk to that's willing to talk into this space that is the human issue. Yeah. Everybody feels that way. How do you, what do you do on if you coach somebody to help them change that? Speaker 2 00:18:49 Yeah. Well, we have to go into the person. So we, as I indicated earlier, we start with the business as an entry point for the conversation, but we go into the person, um, and there are a number of approaches we can take. We can, um, you know, you mentioned earlier that we were talking about the head trash and how what a tanked mess that can be. You can, you know, extending that metaphor. You, it's kind of like, um, when you go to the back of your computer, if you're not attacking, you see all the cords plugged in everywhere and they're, they're all, uh, entangled and you're trying to figure out where to plug in your printer, which USB cord is right. It's kind of like that. You have to go through an untangle, all these psychological chords. Um, and it doesn't necessarily involve like a deep, deep dive over and over again into your childhood. Speaker 2 00:19:41 But that can be a quick way to access some of your early memories that have, you've embellished over time and are now showing up in your life at large saying, pay attention to me <laugh>. Right? So that's, that's one way to approach it is, um, is to go, to go back. Um, one way that a person can expedite this process of uncovering where the baggage is coming from on heaping ourselves from all this mess is to have, uh, a personal practice that can be start out as simple as five minutes in the morning, ideally be in the morning, but really can be five minutes anytime during the day. And that time it's not really necessarily for working out, it's not for meditation even or prayer, whatever your practice is, it can literally be just to sit there and observe your mind doing its thing. It's like practicing with this intention of being, being clear, being more, feeling better, um, with that intention in mind, just watching your, watching your thoughts spin as they do, uh, the mirror practice of, I Speaker 1 00:20:54 Bet that's a lot of people Speaker 2 00:20:55 Sitting alone before you check your smartphone, before you check on the kids or whatever. The mirror act of sitting alone there doing nothing, just being is, uh, makes a huge statement to yourself. That is the statement of I am, And you can add on to that. I am worth it. I am worthy of this time, I am capable of just being, I am good enough. Um, just by virtue of being see. But, um, it goes against all of our cultural programming and especially in the construction industry where it's like, do, do, do, do. And your worth gets all tied up in how productive you are. Speaker 2 00:21:38 So, so for example, I asked my daughter who's not in the construction industry, she's 19. I asked her the other day, Carolyn not, you know, how are things going? How are you doing? And she said something like, Fine initially, and then she said, I haven't been very productive today. And I could tell just from the way she answered with that, that her, there's some sense of she has that she's not, well if she's not productive. Now, I agree that productivity is a sign can be a sign of a healthy person, but it's not strictly necessary. Speaker 3 00:22:13 Mm-hmm. Speaker 2 00:22:14 <affirmative>. Right. Being a healthy person, being a happy person, being a good person has nothing to do with how productive you are unless you tell yourself <laugh> that it's tied to your productivity. So <laugh> so when I propose things like this to contractors, you're right, I do get the reactions sometimes, like, what heck I can see on about, Right. Why would I ever do that Speaker 1 00:22:39 <laugh>, Speaker 2 00:22:39 Right. It doesn't make any sense to a lot of us moderns. Um, but it turns out that the tradition of just being Yeah, Speaker 1 00:22:47 Maybe you could just get <inaudible> a little bit. Speaker 2 00:22:49 Yeah. Right. It's a starting point and that that idea of just being is, is as old as humanity. Yeah. It's, it's much older than the industrial workforce. It's much older than having jobs. Um, it's, uh, you know, it's primal. And if you, if you anybody can connect with that basic goodness that you are that primal goodness that you are just by being a little bit every day, that is a great start. Speaker 3 00:23:18 Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, Speaker 2 00:23:20 However, if you, Speaker 1 00:23:23 It almost, it almost sounds too Speaker 2 00:23:25 Easy. Yeah. That's, that's the trick of the, the modern mind. It Speaker 1 00:23:29 Is that easy. Right? You just, you think, Speaker 2 00:23:31 Yeah. We're, we're, um, one of the things that contemplative traditions like yoga, um, Buddhist thought meditation can teach us is that we're overly identified with our thoughts, right? We, and we're attached outcomes. So we think at some level that we are our thoughts, that we are our roles, that we are our job, that we are our productivity and we're just not. The truth is we don't know the who the hell we are. We could say, Yeah, I have this body, I go by this name, right, <laugh>, and those are true, but they're just markers on something. That name was given me my, by my parents. It's convenient to call me Chris, You know what, that'll turn my head. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But what does Chris mean? Right? I have a body, I'm about five, eight soaking lead. I'm probably 145 pounds. Right? Those are, those are aspects of how I'm showing up in physical form. Speaker 2 00:24:28 But those aren't the essence of who I am. Right? The essence of who all of us are is really the secret sauce to mindset. As I mentioned before, if you wanna be, uh, a powerful business leader, start with spending time with your essence every day, that essence is limitless, powerful, not bound by obligation time. It's something completely different. It's, um, totally, it's total potential. And sages throughout time have known this and tried to teach us this. Um, no matter what your, what your spirituality is or your, your religion <laugh>, if you peel beneath the thin of an ear of what you're being told are the ideas you should pay attention to and go deeper and deeper into this that I'm talking about now, you'll see that there's a huge amount of agreement, uh, among people who have looked into this human potential that we are in fact, not just bodies full of mostly water and bones running around doing tasks, <laugh>. And when we tap into that well, of who we actually are, which is kind of undefinable, um, that's where our power comes from. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, that's where our agency comes from to make a change in our personal lives, to make a change on the job, to, to be better in sales, to keep ourselves from screwing ourselves or getting screwed by others. Speaker 1 00:26:00 <laugh>. Yeah. It's a, it's amazing that it's so much, it's an, it's an internal job, right? It's an internal job. It all starts from, with Speaker 2 00:26:08 It, it's interior work. A hundred percent. And I think this is why, I think this is why it can be difficult, particularly for construction industry professionals, because as you know, in the construction industry, we deal with tangibles. Speaker 1 00:26:21 Yeah. Speaker 2 00:26:23 Right? The physical objects, the blueprints, the buildings. Exactly. The remodels, <laugh>, you know, so the, these invisible structures inside are a little harder to get at, but in the end it's not a huge challenge cuz we all have them. And I could simplify it like this. Carolyn, what is trust? What is love? Can you see it? Speaker 1 00:26:46 No, but you know, when you feel it. Speaker 2 00:26:50 Yeah. I mean, you can, Here's another one. Money. Yeah. You know, when you feel it, um, money, you can see money, you can see physical money, but mostly it's electronic transactions these days. So you can't even see that. And even more important than that is the value. Money has value because we say it has value. Yeah. We imbue it with value based on our thought. So almost anything that's, anything the world worth paying attention to starts with some kind of invisible structure that's in here in the heart and in the mind. We're making it all up. We're literally creating the world with our thoughts, constantly Speaker 1 00:27:25 Learn more about mindset. So if somebody wanna learn about more about mindset, is there any books or great resources you would Speaker 2 00:27:34 Send to, um, you know, simple kind of conventional way in is a great piece of work by Carolyn Dweck, d w e c k, called Mindset. I think it's considered by many to be, um, a foundational seminal piece of, you know, uh, piece of work. It's a very readable book. You don't have to read the whole thing to get the, to get the basic concepts. But Carolyn communicated it beautifully, um, based on her research. And she gives lots of examples from the business world and from famous people in the sports world of how mindset actually plays out in practice. And, uh, important distinction. She draws early. She actually doesn't define mindset very well in the book, which is an interesting point. But she, she comes at it in a way that anybody can, can gro it. She's like, she helps you distinguish based on a few basic questions between fixed mindset and growth mindset. Speaker 2 00:28:31 And so if you, if we have time, I'll go into very quickly some of the facets of each, uh, but before I say that, uh, growth, whether you're fixed or mindset, fixed mindset or growth mindset, it's not about the whole person. Like you can have a fixed mindset in one thing and a growth mindset in another area. Okay. But it's most important how you apply it to yourself. So sy um, symptoms, I guess you could say, or, um, factors of a, of a fixed mindset would be someone who believes that human beings including themselves, have kind of an innate potential that they can never get beyond. Either you've got it or you don't got. Right. You don't really learn new skills so much or get new talents. You just, it's god given so to speak. Right. Someone with a growth mindset, um, will, um, will feel pressure to demonstrate their abilities, their talents that they know they have and may feel, um, really challenged by when they can't rise to the challenge or something new comes up to test their skill set and they fail, that's a another symptom of a growth mindset. Gotcha. Um, good people with a growth mindset often will not respond well to criticism and at the same time may be highly self critical. Fixed Speaker 1 00:29:53 Mindset Speaker 2 00:29:55 Fixed. Sorry. Yeah, I said growth, I meant fixed. Right. So, so those are the, so some of the fundamentals of fixed mindset, a growth mindset, um, someone with a growth mindset will actually enjoy the process of learning. They may tend to see failure as kind of inevitable and as part of the process of growth and maturation, Right? Someone with a growth mindset will take criticism, um, by others in context, you know, may not, they may not feel as reactive to it. They might receive the criticism and use it more handly more readily. So those are just, those are so, you know, if you look at yourself, Carolyn, like things you do in your daily work, If we could turn this on you for a minute, we could, we could play a little bit with fixed and growth mindset. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so, um, what areas of your life do you feel like are just flowing and easy? It's easy for you to show up, it's easy for you to get things done. Speaker 1 00:31:04 Uh, well, I mean, at work it's, it's easy to show up and get things done, but I have a lot of challenges that I'm facing like any business owner. Um, you know, my, my kids seem to be doing all, all pretty well and you know, of course Oh, going pretty Speaker 2 00:31:21 Good. Okay. Yeah. So, um, on the net, you know, on the whole, it sounds like you have that kind of perspective of a growth mindset. Like, I show up for work, it's, it's easy to be here, there are things that happen that I don't like. Yeah. But it's all, it's all good, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Now let's dig into something where that might be a little more, let's go into one of those challenges. Like let's, what's the primary, one of the biggest challenges you face on a regular basis at work? Speaker 1 00:31:52 Like, I think I lost you. What you go Well, challenges at work, Uh, right now dealing with the challenge of creating processes and, um, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not very good at the detail part of the business, right. I'm like a visionary, right? Uh, and so the very much the how, how things get done and then like, I want it done yesterday. I have no patience, it should already be done. I should already be doing this. And so those are the one Exactly. Speaker 2 00:32:22 Processes instantly appear. Poof. Speaker 1 00:32:24 Yeah. I've been working on it for a while and I've decided that it's probably not something for me, but now I've gotta find somebody else and it's stressful. Speaker 2 00:32:32 I see. Right. Gotcha. Okay. So that's not necessarily indicator of growth of uh, fixed mindset. Um, in this case I think you have some impatience around it. So you may, um, and you want it done yesterday and you think at some level it should just magically appear. Exactly. Um, so, you know, but on the other hand, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have a fixed mindset around it. It could mean that you've just, that's your process of coming to realization that you're not the person for that job. So it kind of depends on the level of your frustration and, um, the level of your impatience. Uh, but the important thing, no matter what mindset you have toward it, is coming to a constructive conclusion about that challenge. Which it sounds like you've, you've landed in like, okay, yes, I know I need this. Systems are important, processes are important, especially cuz I impart processes to other mm-hmm. Speaker 2 00:33:31 <affirmative> to my clients. Exactly. So I have to, you know, I have to live up to my own, you know, reputation of my own standard. Um, but uh, I'm a visionary and that's, there's beauty in that. You're saying that because that's the piece of self acceptance and self-awareness about where you're strong. Now if you were saying to yourself outright, Well I can't do the systems, and I would say you probably have a fixed mindset around that issue because the truth is you could learn Yeah. Almost anything. The truth is probably more like you don't want to because it bores you, <laugh>. So while you recognize it's necessary, it's boring. It doesn't light your fire. And, um, and it's good to know that because, um, as business owners it, it really, sometimes because of lack of resources or perception of lack of resources, we feel like we need to do things. Speaker 2 00:34:22 But, um, oftentimes that things that we're not good at, um, or don't enjoy, but oftentimes, um, if we can see the need for it to be done and give ourselves a little bit of grace saying, Yeah, it's not really my thing, and I would have to really slog through that. We can spend the energies that we would've spent in protestation procrastination, doing the thing that we don't wanna do gen using that energy somewhere else, like to generate more clients and more revenue that would pay for that thing to be done. You see, So knowing your mind and knowing yourself helps you to allocate your energies differently to get different outcomes. Um, and to cover your week spots. Speaker 1 00:35:06 I floundered in that for a while, like trying to do it on my own. And I'm like, yeah, this is, I have entirely too much going on. I don't enjoy this. I I don't wanna deal with it. So I push it to the bottom of the list. All of those things. <laugh>. Speaker 2 00:35:17 Yeah. Right now getting, getting fast with mindset, getting expert at mindset, um, what it ends up doing is it ends up expediting that that process of coming to a, a healthy, constructive conclusion. So you learn by trial and error, pushing it to the bottom of the stack over and over again, then at night, two o'clock in the morning, feeling guilty about it being in the bottom of the stack. Exactly. Cause you still have exactly. To be done. Exactly. Yeah. So when you, when you focus more on mindset, what happens is you recognize when you're stalling and when you're pushing things to the bottom of the stack and you know, that's no good, you know, that's not gonna serve anyone well. Um, and so what you do is you quickly start to work inside and you start to conclude the things that you've concluded, but much faster. Speaker 2 00:36:03 Like, why am I pushing this to the bottom of the stack? Well, cuz it sucks and it's boring, but, but Carolyn you said it was necessary. This is conversation you're having with yourself. Right? But Carolyn, you said it was necessary and you're telling other people that they should have systems in their businesses, legal systems in particular. Um, so that's not correct, right? Correct. Okay. So what's really happening is I'm emotionally, I'm emotional about this and pushing it away cuz I don't like it. Um, and I'm pinching myself off from the solution. Aha. The minute you recognize that you're pinching yourself off, that's the self-awareness spark that gives rise. It, it makes space for a solution to come in, makes space for you to be creative, to get your energy back. Because whenever you're in resistance, whenever you're, um, in denial, what you're doing is you're pinching off your own energy. You're no longer available to your life and your situation. You're literally cutting off the life Speaker 1 00:37:01 Force like you're not breathing. Speaker 2 00:37:03 Yeah. You, you, you may literally, your body will tell you there's another body cue. I'm not breathing, my jaw is tight. Every Speaker 1 00:37:10 Time I think's going, all a sudden I'm holding my breath. Speaker 2 00:37:16 My, my eyebrows have become a mono brow cause I'm just vexed with this thing. Right. So that's the body based, uh, cue to go into your emotions to go into yourself and figure out what's really going on. Once you deal with that piece, which everybody makes into a big mountain, right. But it's a mole hill. Once you go into that piece and you over and over again develop this practice of going inside and seeing what's going on, the mountains become mo hills very quickly and you come to solutions, um, very fast as well. Speaker 1 00:37:45 Cause I think that's one of the best parts of being a business owner is that you find the creative solutions. But like when I, yes. When I'm in the, in the denial phase that I have to do this, this has to gets done and I just don't do it, then I'm, I'm trying not to think about it so I don't <laugh> Speaker 2 00:38:00 And it takes energy to hold those thoughts back. Speaker 1 00:38:02 Oh Speaker 2 00:38:02 Yeah, absolutely. You know, to hold them in to suppress all that, it takes a lot of energy. Yeah. And so while I did say before that we're limitless beings in human form, we do have to manage our energy. It does feel like we only have so much. Oh, absolutely. The more you get into mindset, the more you free yourself up, the more you feel like you have to use. Yeah. But until that point, energy management's good. So when you're pinching off energy and your body's telling you that, um, get energy back by finding out what the issue is, Speaker 1 00:38:33 <laugh>, just deal with it, just dive in and feel it and do all the things. Speaker 2 00:38:38 Yeah. Well, and it doesn't have to be this big, you know, scientific inquiry, Right. You don't have to hire expensive coaches to do it. Um, just take your power back and know yourself. Like pay attention to your body, pay attention to what you've been trying to keep from yourself. Yeah. Speaker 1 00:38:58 <laugh>, this is a lot. So if somebody wanted know more and contact you and get like more one on one because I think this is such a Yeah. Such an important thing. Where would they find all your, I'll have your contact in the show notes, but what, where would you send them to? Speaker 2 00:39:11 Yeah. Well, I, um, they can contact me, uh, through direct message on Facebook. Uh, my, they can go to my personal page, um, or my Mindset mastery mentor, uh, is my Facebook handled. They can go to that page and direct message me through there. Uh, they can contact my phone number directly and we'll set up a time to see what's really going on and what they're, you know, what they're really in. I will tell you, um, I'm very picky about the clients I take and it's not because I'm a snob, although I might be. Um, I really do care about people actually. But, um, it's because mindset, no mindset will work. No business coaching in general will work unless a person has will to change a sincere intention to, to do this interior work that I'm talking about. If you've got that, you probably don't even need me and the sky's the limit, but, um, but that will help you Speaker 1 00:40:11 A lot. Absolutely. Absolutely. I'm, I'm going through the same Speaker 2 00:40:13 Thing. So that's, that's what I'm really looking for in clients. Speaker 1 00:40:16 Awesome. Well, I appreciate you taking the time and be on the podcast. Speaker 2 00:40:20 Yep. Thanks for, thanks for, uh, inviting me. I really enjoyed Speaker 1 00:40:23 It. No, thank you so much. Thank you for listening to this episode of Quick Getting Screwed. I hope you found it helpful. And if you like what you hear, please like us and follow our podcast. If you want further information, you can find [email protected] We're also on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram, and the book is available on Amazon. Thank you.

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